I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
