are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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