No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
