sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
