I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
