this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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