addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
