I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
