reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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