okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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