I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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