Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You made out with two different species that night
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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