I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
