so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
