I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
