Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
