I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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