Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
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Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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