Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
