I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize