Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
jump out the window naked night went bad
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
