You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
