I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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