my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
