take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"