look no pants
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.