Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Sext me about skeletons
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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