so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
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Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
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Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.