My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
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Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
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i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.