I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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