I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My room smells like vodka and shame
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.