I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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