That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
