so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was confusing and full of hummus
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
