and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
