If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
