Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
