Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
