his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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