You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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