this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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