You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize