I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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