matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
