last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
