this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
