All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
How naked do you want me to be?
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