You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
