I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
