Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
