hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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