I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
