It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
