New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
