Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
