Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
home. puking in laundry basket.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
