One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
