If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
