She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
