Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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