i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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