I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
