The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
