haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Of course I have a pirate flag
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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