i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
no, he came in my armpit
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
