Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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