here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
