you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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