I checked into jail on foursquare
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
