i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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