my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
