you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
