So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
