My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
