He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved