She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
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Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
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We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?