Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night

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(248): I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night http://tfl.nu/pm2y

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.

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(732): I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one. http://tfl.nu/pu4o

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(201): View more from New Jersey

we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me

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(201): we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me http://tfl.nu/mhrn

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate

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(617): Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate http://tfl.nu/lx6z

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(319): View more from Iowa

should my penis look like a turkey

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(319): should my penis look like a turkey http://tfl.nu/u56w

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(863): View more from Florida

Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.

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(863): Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day. http://tfl.nu/qpfj

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(678): View more from Georgia

Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.

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(678): Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job. http://tfl.nu/5ogs

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.

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(504): Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later. http://tfl.nu/kqj9

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(716): View more from New York

Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet

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(716): Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet http://tfl.nu/obun

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(303): View more from Colorado

When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.

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(303): When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over. http://tfl.nu/ei9w

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"

(239): View more from Florida

I am the fairy godmother of the drink.

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(724): I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED" (239): I am the fairy godmother of the drink. http://tfl.nu/ryur

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.

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(724): $200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm. http://tfl.nu/59s4

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(913): View more from Kansas

I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off

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(913): I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off http://tfl.nu/aizm

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(224): View more from Illinois

Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.

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(224): Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time. http://tfl.nu/eicx

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(831): View more from California

Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it

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(831): Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it http://tfl.nu/5vlz

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