there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
