From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
