The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
True strength comes from lack of pants
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
