True but thats because hes a fetus.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Randomize