How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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